it's inevitable!

Wednesday, August 29, 2007 8/29/2007 10:26:00 PM

I'm lying alone with my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you hurt too but what else can we do
Tormented and torn apart
I wish I could carry your smile and my heart
For times when my life feels so low
It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring
When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know

I 'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I 'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong

I want you to come back and carry me home
Away from this long lonely nights
I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too
Does the feeling seem oh so right
And what would you say if I called on you now
And said that I can't hold on
There's no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or I'll be gone, I'll be gone

Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?
Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
each time i listen to this song, All out of love by Air Supply, it seems to be singing my feelings, and it just moves me to tears every single time i listen to it.

Honestly, regardlessly you love or love me not..there's only one thing i ever want to give you. Happiness.
if i gave you happiness, i hope you remember those priceless moments deep in your heart.
if my happiness is not what you want for now, i give you freedom to find your happiness.
and if you find it, i wish you two to be really happy..

in the end, what about myself? to find a lost love? to find someone new? to live like The Queen without her King? to love and not to expect any in return? Talking makes things seem so easy but only get tougher when i lay on the bed at night and only realize things around me contains fond memories of him and the feelings just can't help but haunt me night and day..

someone save me.

~ let it be! i need a breather anyway.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007 8/21/2007 11:20:00 PM

woohoo! it's been a while since i saw myself going down on the bathroom scale...
i am back to my sixties ;) super happy! must be due to the prolonged sickly me for the past 3 weeks.. i must work hard to realise my dream!! everyone support me hor... :)

some pictures to show the difference!!

the me on the left was not yet in my sixties. :) i will take more pictures soon.

the me on the right was on my2nd birthday, counting more than 1 year back since my birthday falls on May..just look at my face! it's soooo bloated... those two pretty babes are my friends for keep :P

so you see, hardwork changes people! i am glad tat i see the transition, in appearance and the attitude towards living a better healthy lifestyle and the awaiting excited future :)

Congratulations to those who worked hard for their achievements! And for those who are still struggling and working hard too, give yourself a pat on the shoulder and tell yourself..Life is all about never give up on what you believe and it's never too late for anything that you wanna achieve or change, for youself or for anyone that's worth your true love. I am totally into it.

It's been a long wait for the sixties to come back, but all the hardship was truly unbelievable! gotta gear up more! will increase my gym workout! stay tuned for my new time slot of gym activities..if anyone is interested, u are always welcomed to beep my hp to join me. I usually work out at YCK gym or YCK stadium (running tracks).

Ciaos!

~ let it be! i need a breather anyway.

Monday, August 20, 2007 8/20/2007 08:56:00 AM

i have been meeting up my bkk and hk clan recently. and i looked dead beat in the photos i took.
and i have no idea how on earth i made myself so tired. everyday, i try to wake up with a clear mind and awaken self. But the energy levels in my body just let me down .

It's horrible enough that i am down emotionally; and now the body just had to give way. Not helping at all. Not when i need strength to do all that i have to now.

I don't know how to explain why i am emotionally down. I have tried my best not to put those matters on my mind, but it's a monster haunting me every day and night. There's just so much things that i fear and each time i am scared, i will just hide in my blanket.

i pray to you my guardian angel, i need you.

~ let it be! i need a breather anyway.

Saturday, August 18, 2007 8/18/2007 11:49:00 AM

rainy saturday. unlike last saturday! hmm it has been a week from my last sentosa outing. and yet the promise of the upload of sentosa pic was still left unattended! so i will do my promise to upload..not much of it but as least i tried okie? ? hor hor hor...you you you..

jessie babe and me..why was my head chopped??

oppz it's fabian and me~

pretty babe huh? hee hee oh mine! i forgot to take individual shot with my lao da...

now rushing out for a date :) update again!

~ let it be! i need a breather anyway.

8/18/2007 11:38:00 AM

the long-lost legendary cailing is back in force.
witty, bubbly, calm, cool and in total confidence.

not that i don't care about second opinions, but not when i have set my mind on something that i should have do it for myself.

and also not forgetting about the outcome tells the ultimate winner. plus plus, doing it is not about talking about it. all talks no action still leaves a blank answer after all.

not that i don't care about you, not that i ever want to spy on you, not about the aftermath you said you believed me, it's all about myself now.

as the lyrics of my favourite song is read below..

Come On Baby Blue
Shake Up Your Tired Eyes
The World Is Waiting For You
May All Your Dreaming Fill The Empty Sky

i only wanna say..i have a world that awaits me too..

~ let it be! i need a breather anyway.

Friday, August 10, 2007 8/10/2007 12:33:00 AM

;) actually i am very impressed by myself.
i actually can stand sooooooooooooo long without talking to parrot. there were so many times of me that i just want to dial that long number in my phonebook or just type something in that msn textbox... but i JUST resisted. The situation that it's in now, i can understand. And if i were to put myself in its shoes, i also dun welcome such 'disruption'. I dun wan to put it in a difficult position, because no one benefits from it anyway.. it only hurts more, to everyone involved.

hmm... i believe that parrot's also putting in the same effort as i do, to make the future of us seems promising. haha am i kidding myself? i just wan to look on the bright side..i wanna believe..
i think that he believes strongly that by doing so, i will be very motivated to honour my promise. like many had said, just keep on walking! Right..nothing to think about once u have made ur decision!
but whatsoever the reasons, i am still soon toe bee :P

will update more pictures of soon toe bee soon!

~ let it be! i need a breather anyway.

Sunday, August 05, 2007 8/05/2007 08:17:00 AM

woohoo! it's a early bird entry today!
i just woke up, with my teeth unbrushed and hair uncombed yet i chose to update this entry.

well..it's about all my parrot that i have. i dreamt of it for the past 2 consecutive days already.
aww at work, i already tried very very hard not to think about it and the complex matter that it brought but yet, i sometimes find myself missing it alot and wonder what my parrot is doing..maybe very lovely dovey with the cow..or maybe celebrating a smashing birthday on the last 31..or maybe even sleeping together..and i get emotionally upset. i guess it's the insecurity factor that's happening to me..i tend to think alot because i am very ignorant of what's happening over there now..and i hate to admit this, i think about the bad things alot!

sighz, now even in my dreams, i am troubled by the matter..and today's dream topic was about the choice, that the parrot was still very unsure about which to choose. and i remembered that i was smsing the parrot, saying that if there was no love left for me, then let me go..and in the dream i realized that i can't say such things..and i retyped the sms again! GOD HELP ME! how did you let me landed in such deep water that i can't even breathe..i'm drowning...

so, i am still very traumatized over the dream cos it feels real. can my parrot reassure me??

~ let it be! i need a breather anyway.

Saturday, August 04, 2007 8/04/2007 11:19:00 AM

哦！尊超级帅帅帅..帅到爆!!

我也要和他坐飞机！不过，是我坐在captain's seat 载他的那种啦...

因为我要学驾飞机的啦! 嘻嘻嘻..

要加油加油! 和我心爱的人一起冲上云霄! ;-)

~ let it be! i need a breather anyway.

Thursday, August 02, 2007 8/02/2007 09:49:00 PM

sometimes i wonder why am i so...i dunno? i really can't describe myself now.
all i can do is prove my capability.. the more it seems impossible for people to believe, the more i want to create a miracle for myself, you and the world to believe me.

Even if it takes years to make me understand the importance, it doesn't mean that i am not concerned. Indeed, i was too selfish in the past. But things happened and made me realized that what's more important in a relationship is not really your appearance, it's the sincerity of the things you promised and promised again, and again..
So as things started to happen for worse then some people got hurt, so some people started to realize some have to change to make things better. and I, will change for the better, not for anyone, not for the world, but for my inner self to see that nothing is impossible. Just look at me before!

~ let it be! i need a breather anyway.